Overcoming anxiety & nausea to play games with your significant other

Recently, a good friend of mine has been frustrated because her fiance spends his free time gaming and it’s a hobby she’s not into. In her words, “It’s a key part of his identity but it’s also something I’ll never be a part of – I need advice on how to ask for more balance without asking him to give up part of himself.”

My thinking was instead of making that request, trying to find some games she can get into too. However, she’s got a few problems going against her:

1. Games trigger her anxiety
2. Heavily motion-based games make her nauseous
3. Toxic, shitty, male-focused communities ruin the experience for her

The main game in question that she’s tried to get into for him has been the illustrious Dota 2. And I’ve been on that side before where a previous significant other (SO) asked me to get into a game with him and I jumped into it without any experience and was immediately overwhelmed by a very defensive and rude guild – full of inside jokes, elite gaming experience, and no patience for me as I got up to speed on the game.

The analogy I came up with for my friend was basically that her SO inviting her to play Dota 2 and get into that community for her was the equivalent of her inviting him to an expert knitting meet-up. And him blaming himself for not being in on the inside jokes or not having the skills to keep up.

So! I came up with a long list of options for her. If you’re a non-gamer who’s about to murder your SO and you have similar issues with anxiety and nausea from games….instead of banging your head against a mental wall every time your SO launches Steam….try consider playing these games together instead:

• Overcooked – PC
  • “Overcooked is a chaotic couch co-op cooking game for one to four players. Working as a team, you and your fellow chefs must prepare, cook and serve up a variety of tasty orders before the baying customers storm out in a huff.”
  • The premise is you’re in a co-op kitchen, with 2-4 players, trying to serve dishes to people. It’s a cheap game (currently under $20) and you only need one copy since you’re playing from a single platform – for example, you can use an Xbox controller and your SO could use the keyboard sort of thing. Or two people can use the keyboard.
  • It’s also available on the Nintendo Switch but I was happy enough with the PC version.
  • It’s not so much a puzzle game (well, it sort of is) as a task management/time management and teamwork game.
  • It has ruined some relationships. I’m a little hesitant to suggest it because people either love it or hate it and it takes a lot of communication to make it work. But…it’s worth a shot.
  • Watch the trailer first, though. When we got to the higher levels, it was a little anxiety inducing for me because it’s a fast-paced game. On the bright side, the controls are simple. And the game itself isn’t a very long one but you can also play it with other people.
  • No online play capabilities, unfortunately. Huge bummer and I don’t know why they’ve never added this feature.
• Death Squared – PC
  • “Death Squared is a co-op puzzle game about cooperation, communication, and robot explosions.”
  • Full disclosure, haven’t tried this one yet. But a good friend of mine who ran a big gaming site for a long time said she loved it. She recommended it after I was trying to coax her into trying Overcooked.
  • Another really affordable one, under $20
• Civilization 5 – PC
  • “Create, discover, and download new player-created maps, scenarios, interfaces, and more!” – helpful, right?
  • The Civ games are some heavy duty games. This would be a big time commitment from both of you to try out.
  • In essence, they’re turn-based history RPGs. You start out with a civilization, one based in real-life (think Cleopatra with Egypt or Caesar for Rome…or Gandhi for India…or Washington for the US…etc.) and you determine when your timeline starts, then you build your civ up over thousands of years.
  • I have completely fallen in love with this game. It’s addictive. It’s a time-sink. It’s turn-based – so you don’t have to feel anxious about going quickly. And you can play on teams, which means you and your SO could play against people or ideally, against AI (they can be very manageable or very difficult).
  • This one would be more of an investment – it’s $30 for the base game and probably $20-$30 more for the expansions right now, which you’ll want to get. The best one is religion. My SO and I started a new game again this weekend, he’s Morocco and I’m Siam. His religion is Cannibalism and mine is some STD..I don’t remember which one. But you can spread it across the world
  • It’s a beautiful game for history nerds and it takes more thought than anything. You can also play the game however you want. One of my friends, she’ll just play without an army or military and will only try to win through technological advancements or by having the greatest amount of culture produced by her civ. My SO, on the other hand, always tends to try to kill everyone. But the beauty is – that’s totally fine. It’s a fantastic game for playing with people with very different play-styles.
  • I’m recommending Civ 5 right now over Civ 6 because Civ 5 is still a very, very solid game  – whereas Civ 6 is still going through some testing and bug issues. And it’s affordable to get the entire set with all of the expansions.
• Rocket League – PC/any console
  • “Soccer meets driving once again in the long-awaited, physics-based multiplayer-focused sequel to Supersonic Acrobatic Rocket-Powered Battle-Cars! Choose a variety of high-flying vehicles equipped with huge rocket boosters to score amazing aerial goals and pull-off incredible game-changing saves!”
  • It’s soccer cars. Another affordable one under $20.
  • This might trigger motion sickness in a lot of people. Watch the trailer and see. When you’re playing, you can make sure the camera is always behind you or you can change it to be from a different angle – that may help or hurt.
  • But it’s simple, good fun. And the community can’t be toxic because console players can only say set, programmed things to their keys like “Good shot!” and “Wow!” – stuff like that.
  • The games are also super short, usually around 5 minutes.
  • You can also play it however you want to. My SO is really good at the actual game itself. I am not. So I just spend my time trying to hit all the other cars.
• Divinity Original Sin – PC
  • “Gather your party and get ready for a new, back-to-the-roots RPG adventure! Discuss your decisions with companions; fight foes in turn-based combat; explore an open world and interact with everything and everyone you see. Join up with a friend to play online in co-op and make your own adventures with “
  • This is a more classic RPG but another key thing for you here is that it’s turn-based. So when it comes to combat, the emphasis is thinking on your strategy and tactics in the encounters rather than who can press buttons the fastest.
  • It’s generally lauded as one of the best co-op games on the market, but it’s not for everyone.
    • On one hand, the story is amazing and the co-op options are really neat (you get to interact with each other and influence how the game plays out that way – for example, if your SO made a decision with someone you disagree with, you can then play rock paper scissors to see whose decision wins out).
    • On the other hand, it can be a little hard to stick together because it’s easy to go off and wander on your own while the other person is progressing in the storyline.
  • It takes communication. And it’s another bigger game – $40 for the game currently and a huge time-sink, depending on if you want to just go with the story or do lots of side-quests.
  • Don’t let the name scare you – I thought it was a stupid fucking name and avoided it for a long time. It has nothing to do with any of those words in the title.
  • In-depth review here
• Portal 2 – PC/most consoles
  • “The “Perpetual Testing Initiative” has been expanded to allow you to design co-op puzzles for you and your friends!”
  • Another “classic” co-op game, like Divinity Original Sin, and the emphasis is on puzzles you have to solve together.
  • Another iffy recommendation, this might trigger motion sickness for plenty of people. I have a hard time playing the Portal games sometimes. But the humor in them is spot-on.
• Offworld Trading Company – PC
  • “Mars has been colonized. Now, Earth’s greatest corporate titans have been invited to build companies to support it. The competition to dominate the market is fierce in this fast-paced economic RTS from Civilization IV lead Designer, Soren Johnson.”
  • If you guys try out Civ and like it, this is a much more condensed version and the emphasis isn’t on your civilization or anything – it’s on being a business and making a profit. You get spreadsheets if you want them.
  • It’s hard. My SO and I are still extremely bad at this game. But it’s another affordable one you should be able to get for under $20.
• Don’t Starve Together – PC
  • “Don’t Starve Together is the standalone multiplayer expansion of the uncompromising survival game Don’t Starve.”
  • This is a beautiful bitch of a survival game. Another affordable game under $20. Don’t Starve is the single-player version, Don’t Starve Together is the multiplayer version. You can usually get them bundled together.
  • Like Civ, it’s one of those games where people with very different playing styles can play together. I played some nice games for a while where some of my friends and I would do our own things while talking together. My SO would go off and kill things, my best friend would work on making a base and crafting things, and I liked just the mindless repetition some days of gathering resources for others to use.
  • If you try this out, make sure you look up easy starting settings. The game is very unforgiving with some settings and it can be very anxiety inducing when it gets hard. You’d want to work your way up to that.
  • In-depth review here
• Any of the Lego games – any console
  • Pretty much any console has Lego games and they are awesome.
  • They’re meant for kids and parents to play but they also make for great gateway co-op games.
  • The Lego Star Wars ones are one of my favorite series but there’s just like..a Lego series for pretty much any franchise now. And they’re all great for co-op and they’re all extremely forgiving and entertaining. Pretty much any of them are good options, just check reviews.
• Terraria or Minecraft – PC
  • Speaking of Legos, Terraria and Minecraft are essentially Lego games where you build whatever the fuck you want and you can play with other people or not.
  • They’re extremely chill and they reward people who like to experiment with crafting and collect resources, which can be an extremely nice way to unwind at the end of the day.
  • I struggle with these kinds of games because I need structure and a story. In these, you make your own – just like you would playing with Lego blocks. But they’re good co-op options, potentially.
• Castle Crashers – PC
  • “Hack, slash, and smash your way to victory in this award winning 2D arcade adventure from The Behemoth!”
  • I am shit at this game. My SO carries us usually. It’s typically a really forgiving game but I am just total shit at it.
  • You might not be, though! It’s another one of those classic co-op options and a lot of people really, really love these games. If you like the style of this game, BattleBlock Theater is another one they make that’s co-op. That I am also complete shit at.
• Heroes of the Storm – PC
  • If your SO is solely into Dota 2 or League of Legends, consider Heroes of the Storm for a change in pace.
  • Heroes of the Storm is Blizzard’s answer to those MOBA games (massively online battle arenas).
  • Blizzard makes World of Warcraft and other games and their angle has always been that they cater to the dirty casual gamers of the world, like myself. I don’t want to invest hours and hours to be good at something – I want to just enjoy it.
  • Heroes is free to try but it requires a different kind of account. Almost all of the games I’ve listed above, you’d need a Steam account for but this one would require a Battle.net/Blizzard account.
  • It’s team-based but there’s a learning curve. But fortunately – it’s free. My SO and I only ever play against AI so there’s no dealing with other shitty people. When we have played with others in Quick Matches, however, it’s been all right.
  • It’s also top-down so it shouldn’t be nausea-inducing. But it’s definitely faster paced than pretty much anything else I’ve listed. And if your SO is stuck on MOBAs then they would have an advantage learning it since they’ve already played these other sorts of games but a) it’d still be a new set of characters, b) Heroes rewards a different kind of playing style than the other ones and c) they probably don’t have an established community in this game, like the others.
• Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light – PC
  • “Take control of Lara and her new partner Totec, a Mayan tribesman, and uncover the ancient artifact known as the “Mirror of Smoke” in this all new action adventure game.”
  • This game is one of the best co-op puzzle games I’ve ever played. It’s Lara Croft but..it’s so, so good. And it’s only $10.
  • I promise – just give it a chance. Lara Croft games get a bad rap reputation-wise because tits. But this is a very thoughtful game.
  • It shouldn’t give you motion sickness and if you have a lot of enemies, either your SO can deal with it or you can just constantly spray ammo around you. It doesn’t ever have to get hard in that aspect – what’s hard is a) the puzzles/working and thinking together and b) mastering the levels. There’s a ton of complex achievements you can get that make the game a lot more interesting.
• DeathSpank – PC
  • “For uncounted years, DeathSpank has been a Dispenser of Justice, a Vanquisher of Evil, and a Hero to the Downtrodden. DeathSpank has long searched for a powerful artifact called….The Artifact. Forged by unknown hands for unknown purposes some unknown time in the past, The Artifact is now “
  • Very, very silly game. My SO and I never finished it. Co-op isn’t as interesting as it is in other games. But it’s not terrible.
• RISK™: Factions – PC
  • “Wage war with five factions, each with unique abilities, in the original game of strategy and world domination!”
  • It’s just RISK but in a different, friendlier format. You can also play much faster games – like games that take 30-60 minutes instead of god damned hours.
  • The only issue I’ve ever had with this game is that on the 360, online play is very unstable. I’m not sure if it’s the same for Steam. So it made playing a local game with someone on the couch a lot better than trying to play over a connection. Another good one under $10.

(Photo courtesy MoGaming’s YouTube thumbnail)